How NOT to Communicate: "Nice to Meet You, Will You Marry Me?"

Oct 15, 2020

Nice to Meet You, Will You Marry Me?

One of the biggest ironies I’ve experienced as a notary coach is how many of my students and mentees absolutely despise selling, yet slip right into selling in their first email or message to a prospective client.

“Hi Mary,

LinkedIn suggested us as contacts and I think that would be great. I am a trained and certified Loan Signing Agent that prides myself on excellent customer service. I love what I do because I get to help people’s dreams come true. There’s really nothing I won’t do for a customer. I like to meet early in the morning, and I am also available late at night. You can see my profile on SigningAgent, and I have references that can back this up. I am your go-to mobile notary when you have a loan signing need.”

Now, there’s nothing wrong with the info that was provided. Passion, customer service, and personality, are cornerstones to a successful business. But the delivery, and timing, and etiquette of this message are off. It’s as if mustering all the energy and courage to reach out to their dream client in the first place leaves them so exhausted they forget how to start a conversation and have a relationship.  

How interested are you in having a conversation with someone that only talks about themselves and offers too much completely unsolicited information? Probably not very.

There is a natural and organic process that human relationships and conversation take, and when we don’t honor that it comes across as awkward, dramatic, and even harsh. We can’t introduce ourselves to a prospect and ask them to marry us in the same sentence. It doesn’t work (and if it does work, run away!). An online relationship, connecting via social media or email, isn’t all that different than an offline relationship. 

We’re human beings.  We like to feel special for who we are, not just the position we hold. We like to work with people we know, like, and trust. 

That’s why it’s so important to connect with your prospects before you ask them for their business. You have to develop some sort of relationship that demonstrates that you’re connecting with them for more than just a payday.

I have a few acquaintances that I never hear from until they get a new sales job somewhere, or they’ve joined a new opportunity they want to share with me. We’ll go years with no contact at all, and then I get a Facebook message asking about my nutrition supplement regimen, or if I am happy with my current interest rate. 

Don’t be “that" guy or gal. 

It turns off your current network, and it absolutely turns off your prospects.

So, if it doesn’t work, why do so many notaries still do it? Here are a few reasons we do this (I’ve been guilty of this too):

We forget that there is a person behind the name tag.

Our ideal clients, as mobile notaries and loan signing agents, have their own hopes & dreams, their own struggles, and their own passion for their work. They want to work with people that have shared values and help them reach their goals too. 

We act out of desperation.

It might be part of the human condition because so many of us do not consistently do the things we know we should be doing to maintain our businesses and relationships. Then, the $%!* hits the fan mid-month and we realize the phone isn’t ringing and we aren’t going to make any money this month. So then we finally start reaching out to our list of prospects or contacts, and rather than take the time to cultivate a relationship, we practically beg them to hire us, after we word-vomit about ourselves and our business all over their inbox. 

Don’t be fooled, desperation oozes from our pores when we are in that mode. Our prospects can feel it in our messaging, and it doesn’t feel good (to them, or to you!).

We get straight-up lazy.

Let’s face it; authentic relationships take time and energy. That’s what makes them so powerful and rock solid. Most people in business, with notaries not being an exception, take a more transactional approach, with little to no investment in cultivating relationships. Instead of investing the time and energy, they adopt a “spray and pray” approach, believing in quantity over quality. They’ll use the same canned message, usually heavily focused on themselves, their E & O insurance limits, how great they are, and all their certifications, to dozens, or even hundreds of prospects. 

We know in our hearts that relationships don’t work that way, but we get lazy. 

What To Do Instead

Like I said, I’ve done all of those things (and then some). You don’t have to hang your head in shame if you do them too. Just learn from it and move on. Try these two things instead.

Tickle & Ping

In my Morning Mastery for Mobile Notaries and Loan Signing Agent course, I go into depth about some of my Daily Do’s that help cultivate meaningful relationships. Chief among them is a strategy I call “tickling,” or “pinging.”

This where you choose a few people from your contact list, either from your Customer Relationship Management (CRM) program, your friends list from Facebook, or your connections from LinkedIn, and reach out to them each day.  I like to choose ten people from my contacts each day.

It’s not selling stuff. 

It’s not promoting anything. 

It’s simply saying, “Hi, thinking about you today. How are you?” “Good! Is there anything I can help or support you on today?”

Find a way to be helpful, or laugh about something, or congratulate, or honor. It doesn’t have to always be about work. 

When you think about it, you probably already do something similar to this with your personal network, like friends and family. Your professional network, especially for us as mobile notaries and loan signing agent solo-preneurs, is not much different. They are people too and they like to know you care about them. 

When you consistently implement this connection technique, you don’t have to worry so much about being the person that only reaches out when they have something to sell. This deepens relationships!

Earn Their Attention

Whatever platforms you choose for yourself, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tik-Tok, whatever... deliver valuable content, information, and inspiration in all that you post or send out via email campaigns. 

Everything you share is permanent and representative of you and your brand. Know who your ideal customer (that’s your audience) is and speak to them directly. 

  • What do they need or want?
  • What information will serve them?
  • What would light them up and just make their day?
  • Can you share part of your passion for what you do?

Your words are powerful and they do make a difference, even if to just one person. That’s okay because, especially in this business, just one person can make all the difference.  Keep one of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes in mind when you post or share:

"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Once you have a little bit of a foundation, with some interaction, and proven value, you can ask for their business. You’ll either get a “yes,” or a “no”- with a reason. That reason is your pathway to a yes, and it does not change the dynamic of your relationship.  It's not a rejection. It's a "not right now."

In fact, when someone tells me “no” because they already have a loan signing agent they love to work with, I work harder to stay in touch with them. Loyalty like that is hard to come by. And the reality is, people are always going to retire, move, switch jobs, or quit. 

And I’ll be right there, waiting to prove myself. 

In summary, here’s your online connection/sales strategy with your ideal customers, no matter what platform you’re on:

  1. Find ‘em
  2. Connect with them
  3. Stay in Touch, Build a relationship, and stay top of mind
  4. Demonstrate your expertise and professionalism through posts, emails, etc.
  5. Ask for their business; a meeting; a call; etc.

If you need some ideas on what to share on social media and email campaigns, you can download 52 topics for notaries at



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